Persuasion

Being persuasive is very different than trying to be convincing (ie. Trying to convince someone of a fact). Instead, try to frame yourself as an equal partner in a negotiation. In other words, screen them as much as they are screening you

Using people's names puts them in "listen mode"

"When you persuade, speak of interest not of reason" —Benjamin Franklin

given the bias of loss aversion, it is more effective to speak in terms of what the other person has to lose, rather than what they have to gain.

Requesting something in a way that comes off as if you're not requesting anything actually. "So do you plan to take these off or am I still a risk to your safety?" -Tony(13 reasons why. It poses a general remark,but is obviously expecting some sort of response from the recipient of the question

Stop saying "should I...?" In the relationship. Instead, say "I was thinking" for example "I was thinking of writing your parents a note". Be more sure of what you are saying. "should I" signifies you are not of yourself and that you need assurance from someone else to make decisions.

3 main methods of persuasion (rhetorical appeal)

Logos - an appeal made from logic standpoint
Pathos - an appeal made from emotional standpoint
Ethos - an appeal made from credibility standpoint (demonstrating EI, fairness, accomplishments)

Majority of people are swayed by methods other than logos

To counteract an argument made from pathos (emotional argument), you need to also make a pathos argument with the goal to soften their emotions. Then, once emotions have been softened, mix in logical arguments. The goal is to mold facts into rhetoric that can be received emotionally

Look for opportunities to apply positive reinforcement with people who you deal with for example use methods such as praise or profuse gratitude Ex. Thank you so much for doing that I really appreciate that

No one actually cares about 800 million people. They care about individuals. Like Letekoros. Or Alfred. Or Martha Lee.

To change someone's behavior, you've got to change that person's situation.

Sarick Effect

Initially making arguments against your own perspective in order to persuade. The idea is to introduce what is wrong with your side, which will cause the other side to see you as more honest. As each detriment is revealed, the responder evaluates the negative impact on their own situation. This gives them confidence that the downside of the position have already been revealed, and that if nothing stands out as a serious detriment, then it is a potentially good side to adopt to (ex. make a purchase, adopt a viewpoint)

Implications:

Leading with weakness disarms the audience.
Too much optimism seems like salesmanship.
Critical comments are perceived as smarter than positive ones.
Starting negative boosts trust.
Listing negatives makes it harder for listeners to think of their own objections.

It’s best to introduce a delay between the presentation of the idea and the evaluation of it, which provides time for it to sink in.

ex. If you’re making a suggestion to a boss, you might start with a 30-second elevator pitch during a conversation on Tuesday, revisit it briefly the following Monday, and then ask for feedback at the end of the week.

Instead of assuming that others share our principles, or trying to convince them to adopt ours, sometimes it is better to present our values as a means of pursuing theirs. It’s hard to change other people’s ideals. It’s much easier to link our agendas to familiar values that people already hold. -Originals

Negotiation

The single most important skill in negotiation is the ability to put yourself in the other side’s shoes.

just as important as the facts, if not more important, are people’s perceptions of those facts.

think in advance about what standards you could appeal to in your negotiation. Do your homework on market rates, scientific criteria, costs, technical measures, and precedents. Come armed to persuade.

Think of batna as the floor to a deal. The worst case scenario isnt so bad

Never make an important decision on the spot. Go to the balcony and make it there.

Paraphrasing is one of the most useful techniques in a negotiator’s repertoire.

One of the most powerful and surprising ways to acknowledge the other side’s point is to preempt it. Take the words out of their mouth. Tell them: “If I were in your shoes, this is the way I’d see it.”

Do the opposite of what they taught you in graduate school. There, if someone said something you agreed with ninety-nine percent, you said, ‘I disagree,’ and you focused on the one percent of disagreement. Here, if my constituent says something you disagree with ninety-nine percent, I want you to say, ‘I agree with you’ and focus on the one percent of agreement.”

When in a conflict, have people see the situation the way you do, and appeal to an honor and nobility (sense of fairness, sense of what is right) that everybody wants to have. Ex. If someone wants to back out of their lease, claim that “I don’t think you would do that, because I believe you to be a man of your word. I would wager that you do not want to leave because I believe this to be true. If you still want to leave by the end of the month, I will admit I was wrong and terminate the lease.”

One of the most familiar tricks of the orator or propagandist is to leave certain things unsaid, things that are highly relevant to the argument, but that might be challenged if they were made explicit.

When trying to convince someone of your beliefs about something, sometimes it is more effective to give an example (an instance of your belief system) to demonstrate that belief. Visualization is a better way to convince.

I want to get a job at a startup, and want to demonstrate my belief that "money is the lifeblood of a business, and my desire is to see this business survive, not to just make a quick buck for myself."
- Instead, say "if you were to sit there and offer me $80,000/yr, I would decline. I understand that money is the lifeblood of a business, and can't survive without it. If I were to take that money, the company wouldn't survive and we'd have nothing."
Stating it like this clearly shows the thought process behind what our beliefs are, and allows people to better remember our character, and be convinced of our motivations. This is important because many people are all talk, and sometimes say the things that we genuinely believe. In order to rise above those bullshitters, we need to demonstrate that it is truly the way that we feel.

Using the phrase "in that case" gives you a lot of negotiating power. It's almost as if you have clearly defined the possible paths that lay before us, and are giving the outcomes of what will happen in the event that we go down one particular path. You are not seen as imposing, since they made the choice. You are simply communicating the outcome of that choice.

Ask them, “ What kind of evidence would you need to see the change of position on this?”

If the answer to this question is “nothing”, then you’re dealing with theology, not science. At least if the person can give you some kind of study that they would need to see, then we know we are dealing in the realm of science.

When influencing someone, you have to always consider the role that the interlocuter's environment will have on them. Even if I make a fantastic argument and I've seemingly made progress, they are going to return to that environment eventually, and along with it, many people who passionately argue the contrary. A better strategy is to try and plant a seed that they will recognize (something that is a part of their environment). Relate this seed back to the point you were trying to make.

ex. trying to convince a religious person that Christianity is all about discouraging people from asking questions. That concept is the seed. Give light examples, like "don't question the pastor", "faith is paramount (at expense of reason)"
The best seeds are the ones that are easy to recognize and occur frequently.

The desired outcome (goal) of a persuasive argument (for those you have a long-term interest in) is to ensure that the other party has correctly understood your position. The logic is important, because we all have logical things that we still disagree with. The fact that it is logical allows the doors to remain open for our thoughts to change, though. No one wants to believe in something that is illogical, so if we take care of that first issue off the bat, we set ourselves up for potential adoption in the future.

counterintuitively, our goal shouldn't be in trying to persuade them. Plant the ideas and let them grow. Truth will always prevail in the end.

When someone is giving you pushback on adoption of an idea (or sale), probe further to get to the root cause of their concern. Is it possible you can uncover that discomfort and assuage it in some way?

when debating an issue, the specific arguments we make are more effective when we demonstrate that we have considered the second-order effects (ie. the effects of the effects, and so on)
don't argue— focus on the method of logic being used
humans will believe anything as long as you allow confidence. it is much easier to exhibit self confidence if you are exceedingly polite and friendly

by making declarations that the person is likely not to agree with 100%, you put them on the defensive. however, if we are able to put the ball in their court, then we force them to imagine the question, and are more likely to be honest with themselves.

there is an incentive for the other party to answer truthfully to this question as well, as if they have not succeeded in what they set out to do, failing for lack of trying is much preferable to failing for lack of competence.

What reaches the heart without going through the mind is likely to bounce back and put the mind out of business.

Whenever possible try to keep money out of things. For instance if a customer request an extra feature, say "Well, we'll do anything for a pizza. This is a lot more personal than saying will do it for $15.

Anything you Want - Derek Sivers

"Whenever you see them looking up, back off"

here, looking up is to indicate that something you said made them stop and think about it. Don't interrupt this train of thought. If you caused them to stop and ponder, then it's time for you to back off and let them take it from here.

Children

Writing

Backlinks

Sarick Effect

Negotiation